{"id":10998,"date":"2019-12-07T14:45:38","date_gmt":"2019-12-07T22:45:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/hi-lo\/?p=30000005183"},"modified":"2019-12-07T22:53:57","modified_gmt":"2019-12-08T06:53:57","slug":"umbrella-2-quest-for-dryness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/esd\/hi-lo\/umbrella-2-quest-for-dryness","title":{"rendered":"Umbrella 2: Quest For Dryness"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>So, no doubt, you&#8217;re part of the national obsession with this video in which we showed you how to use an umbrella&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"The Umbrella\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/_NsrqYlxFj4?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>The clip, which has garnered literally tens of views, has, like all great art, changed us. So much so, that the day after this was produced, we went out to find ourselves an umbrella. Join us, won&#8217;t you?<\/p>\n<p>As with most great quests, ours begins here&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10000009840\" src=\"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/hi-lo\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/ABV_Philly_hero.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"940\" height=\"470\" \/><\/p>\n<p>I took a lap around the store and, unable to find an umbrella or a &#8220;Foul Weather&#8221; section or a &#8220;Stuff You Thought You&#8217;d Never Have To Use Again When You Left Whatever Foresaken Place You Came From and Moved to Southern California&#8221; section, I asked someone in housewares where I might find an umbrella. His response, and this is a direct quote, was &#8220;A what? Oooooh, wooow&#8230; <em>whaaat<\/em>?&#8221; He then looked at a device for quite a long time, ostensibly for information on umbrellas, though it may have been him just trying to give us the impression he really wanted or knew where to find the item. He sent us here&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10000009832\" src=\"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/hi-lo\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/IMG-2453-e1575749987457.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"3024\" height=\"4032\" \/><\/p>\n<p>You&#8217;ll notice the area to which he sent us is decidedly bereft of umbrellas, though, we suppose the globe could shelter someone with even a largish head. Still. We asked another staffer who then got a faraway look in her eyes and directed us half-a-store away&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10000009833\" src=\"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/hi-lo\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/IMG-2456.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"4032\" height=\"3024\" \/> To the book section where we immediately discovered no umbrellas but that Rancher\/Cowboy Romance Literature is apparently not only a thing but a BIG thing. Because, there was not only this, but this&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10000009834\" src=\"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/hi-lo\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/IMG-2460-e1575750631435.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"3024\" height=\"4032\" \/><\/p>\n<p>And this&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10000009835\" src=\"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/hi-lo\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/IMG-2461-e1575750735543.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"3024\" height=\"4032\" \/><\/p>\n<p>And a whole lot more. We found another Target employee who immediately directed us to the front of the store, next to swimwear and, behold&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10000009837\" src=\"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/hi-lo\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/IMG-2464-e1575751404456.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"3024\" height=\"4032\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Now, we wouldn&#8217;t call this selection &#8220;voluminous&#8221; or &#8220;exhaustive,&#8221; we&#8217;d say &#8220;middling&#8221; fits about right. Still, there were many choices. These models that pop into action at the press of a button and, as you see to the left, the long stick, golf umbrella-types that apparently can cover whole foursomes. The latter intrigues us, but we wonder what that kind of coverage would do in none-golf situations, say strolling down 2nd Street? Is there umbrella etiquette? Is biosphere-like coverage considered crass? So many questions. Another one being&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10000009838\" src=\"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/hi-lo\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/IMG-2466-e1575751871598.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"3024\" height=\"4032\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Style. Since umbrellas are used while in public, does one have a responsibility to subtly fade into one&#8217;s surroundings, or should we seek to enhance them with the above tribute to &#8220;101 Dalmations?&#8221; Or how about its neighbor, which appears to be from the Frank Stella collection? We eventually decide on one&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10000009843\" src=\"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/hi-lo\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/IMG-2462-e1575757263946.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"3024\" height=\"4032\" \/>We went with a larger than basic model but smaller than the Buckminster Fuller golf models. It has flair, but is not overt. We are happy with our selection, though&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10000009844\" src=\"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/hi-lo\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/IMG-2463-e1575757396971.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"3024\" height=\"4032\" \/><\/p>\n<p>If you read this tag attached to our choice, it says that it will keep us and &#8220;all your friends covered.&#8221; It then gives the amount of our &#8220;friends&#8221; as &#8220;3+&#8221; though it seems clearly to be saying that in an overtly sarcastic, &#8220;Like you&#8217;d have three friends&#8230;&#8221; kinda way. We find presumptuous and hurtful. We have never liked labels and this only serves to strengthen that dislike. And now, more feelings. These about commitment and how far we are willing to go in the name of dryness&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10000009839\" src=\"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/hi-lo\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/IMG-2465-e1575752507939.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"3024\" height=\"4032\" \/> Do we go the Full Seattle, enveloping ourselves petroleum product protection? Choices&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-10000009841\" src=\"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/hi-lo\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/IMG-2482-e1575756611850.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"3024\" height=\"4032\" \/><\/p>\n<p>As you can see, we chose not to go with the poncho but instead opted for the Limited Edition Hi-lo Hoodie all the celebrities are mad for. We&#8217;ll be wearing it in the Belmont Shore Christmas Parade, Saturday night, and if Mr. Weather wants to show up, well, we&#8217;ve got something for him. We also have something for you&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-full wp-image-10000009829\" src=\"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/hi-lo\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/12\/IMG-2449-e1575743780419.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"3024\" height=\"4032\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Having learned what umbrellas do, we go in search of one to call our own.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":241,"featured_media":70715,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"newspack_sponsor_sponsorship_scope":"","newspack_sponsor_native_byline_display":"inherit","newspack_sponsor_native_category_display":"inherit","newspack_sponsor_underwriter_style":"inherit","newspack_sponsor_underwriter_placement":"inherit","inline_featured_image":false,"newspack_ads_suppress_ads":false,"newspack_popups_has_disabled_popups":"","_EventAllDay":false,"_EventTimezone":"","_EventStartDate":"","_EventEndDate":"","_EventStartDateUTC":"","_EventEndDateUTC":"","_EventShowMap":false,"_EventShowMapLink":false,"_EventURL":"","_EventCost":"","_EventCostDescription":"","_EventCurrencySymbol":"","_EventCurrencyCode":"","_EventCurrencyPosition":"","_EventDateTimeSeparator":"","_EventTimeRangeSeparator":"","_EventOrganizerID":[],"_EventVenueID":[],"_OrganizerEmail":"","_OrganizerPhone":"","_OrganizerWebsite":"","_VenueAddress":"","_VenueCity":"","_VenueCountry":"","_VenueProvince":"","_VenueState":"","_VenueZip":"","_VenuePhone":"","_VenueURL":"","_VenueStateProvince":"","_VenueLat":"","_VenueLng":"","_VenueShowMap":false,"_VenueShowMapLink":false,"_":"","_author_alias":"","cap-aim":"","cap-description":"","cap-display_name":"","cap-first_name":"","cap-jabber":"","cap-last_name":"","cap-linked_account":"","cap-newspack_employer":"","cap-newspack_job_title":"","cap-newspack_phone_number":"","cap-newspack_role":"","cap-user_email":"","cap-user_login":"","cap-website":"","cap-yahooim":"","newspack_article_summary":"","newspack_email_html":"","newspack_email_type":"","newspack_featured_image_position":"","newspack_hide_page_title":"","newspack_hide_updated_date":false,"newspack_post_subtitle":"","newspack_show_share_buttons":"","newspack_sponsor_byline_prefix":"","newspack_sponsor_disclaimer_override":"","newspack_sponsor_flag_override":"","newspack_sponsor_only_direct":"","newspack_sponsor_url":"","newspack_article_summary_title":"Overview:","newspack_show_updated_date":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[12791],"newspack_spnsrs_tax":[],"coauthors":[2890],"class_list":["post-10998","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-hi-lo","tag-rain","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/esd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10998","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/esd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/esd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/esd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/241"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/esd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=10998"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/esd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/10998\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/esd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/70715"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/esd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=10998"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/esd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=10998"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/esd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=10998"},{"taxonomy":"newspack_spnsrs_tax","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/esd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/newspack_spnsrs_tax?post=10998"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/esd\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=10998"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}