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This article has taken me awhile to finish. Not because of the short review at the end, but I\u2019ve been putting it off while I figured out how to share the \u201cwhy\u201d and \u201chow\u201d of what these reviews are intended to be without sounding too arrogant. I finally gave up on the latter part, at which point it moved much quicker.<\/p>\n
While I love food, sometimes I feel like Long Beach is the purgatory of the Southern California food scene…enough good food to get you enthusiastic if you take the time to find it, but not enough of it, or enough refinement to satiate you–a special kind of torture. And although I have a profound love of the hoity-toity and the arrogance of so-called culinary artists, it\u2019s impossible to disregard greasy food, quick-and-dirty meals and any variety of food you know you shouldn\u2019t love, but do. After all, a taco at the corner stand can be ten times as rewarding as a fine restaurant if the taco tastes good and the expensive meal only looks like it should taste good.<\/p>\n
I have a movie on in the background as I try to encapsulate the \u201cwhy and how,\u201d so forgive me as I paraphrase Crash Davis to tell you what I believe about food: “I believe in the soul of food, properly prepared chicken and the beauty of raw fish, that small portions are good, hanging almost anything over a fire can make it better, fiber is our friend, good scotch and that what most view as clever plate arrangements are often self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing well-done meat and not one banning foie gras. I believe in pasta cooked to the al dente sweet spot, soft core Camembert, opening your wine with a corkscrew rather than a new-fangled contraption from Sharper Image. And I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet sips of a good Port that lingers in the back of your mouth for three days.\u201d Food and baseball in the same article? I might plotz.<\/p>\n
My food pet peeves: 1) scented candles or other perfumed items in a restaurant. I want to smell and taste food, not \u201cHoneysuckle Cucumber Breeze.\u201d 2) If you\u2019re going to pour my wine, don\u2019t spill it. 3) Cocktails with no discernible evidence of alcohol. 4) Don\u2019t bring a new course before I finish the previous one. I may strangle you. 5) If you are a server, know your menu. If you haven\u2019t eaten something, ask a comrade for their input so you can at least fake it.<\/p>\n
I hope to be straightforward with my reviews, but a poor score will not prevent me from making a second visit, particularly if I\u2019ve heard good things. I will not be responding to the anonymous comments. If you have something to say to me, e-mail me. Every once in awhile I\u2019ll answer e-mails in an article. If you disagree with me, tell me in detail, why: \u201cBecause you\u2019re a prick\u201d, while likely correct, will not earn a response. If you have ideas about places I need to eat, or about dishes that I should have eaten instead, let me know.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve taken up too much space talking about myself, so I\u2019ll do a very quick review of the Lime Truck, which I had for lunch last week. If you want to know how my rating system works, you can read it on my author page<\/a>.<\/p>\n
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