“Not everybody gets as excited about pizza and hot dogs as I do.”
These were the blasphemous words of Costco CEO Craig Jelinek when he addressed shareholders in January announcing major menu changes for the warehouse club’s popular food court, including adding more vegan, vegetarian and healthier options.
Of course, the addition of things like açai bowls and vegan al pastor salads stood in stark contrast to what made the food court famous in the first place: its seemingly never-changed $1.50 all-beef hot dog or Polish dog combo.
Many feared the worst—mainly, the fact that the six quarters in their pocket would now be strictly reserved for laundry rather than spent on a phallic edible consumed within a food court situated between a parking lot and a warehouse.
It turns out the drama is only half-worthy of the pain, since Costco will be ridding itself of its Polish dog—filled with more spices than its all-beef counterpart and, by the estimation of dog connoisseurs across the nation, more flavorful—but will still be offering the all-beef hot dog with a Pepsi-not-Coke-but-why? beverage of your choice for a buck-fifty.
Nonetheless, the heartache and questions remain: Did anyone ever really order the all-beef? Who didn’t get the Polish? Where did these people live and how did they come into existence?
Still, #SaveThePolishDog moves on in its fight to return its European sausage back into the American buns it was meant to be nested in. As long as this continues, Costco continues to ruin the childhoods of everyone.
My entire childhood is eating a polish hot dog after shopping at Costco. And not to mention y’all took off the berry sundae and added an açai bowl. You also took off the chocolate ice cream and only have vanilla and this vanilla açai swirl. Genuinely mad. #SaveThePolishDog
— Olivia (@mylifeasliv11) July 8, 2018
The Costco Polish hot dog is being removed for an ACAÍ BOWL?!?
I can’t take more of 2018. https://t.co/GZyhKKLcsn
— James Mattone (@TheJamesMattone) July 9, 2018
Rip @Costco polish hot dog 💔
— Sean (@seandagdag) July 8, 2018
KEEP THE POLISH DOG @Costco WHERE IS YOUR HUMANITY
— Jo da da da (@Woah_Jojoo) July 8, 2018
Finding out that Costco is removing the polish dog off the menu 😭😭😭 https://t.co/4W1HGaHqcX
— Cassandra Parra (@Casa_parra) July 9, 2018
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