In this week’s Couch Commentary column, Leaky Pipes talks Broncos, Favre, Peyton Manning, and more.

We’re nearly halfway through the NFL season,, but don’t despair Buccaneers, Rams, and Titans fans.  Sure your teams suck.  I mean historically-bad suck.  I mean the Lions-might-not-be-alone-anymore suck.  But it’s ok, don’t give up on football, there’s still plenty of things that should keep you interested—after all what are you going to do with your Sundays if it weren’t for football?  Spend time with your family?  Uck, I’d rather watch NASCAR.  Anyway, here’s what you should be watching for:

The Denver Broncos collapse.  Again.

Have you looked at Denver’s remaining schedule?  They have the Ravens, Steelers, Chargers, Giants, Colts, and Eagles left.  Ouch.  They’ve also got 4 should-win games on their schedule (@ Washington, @Kansas City, home v Oakland, home v Chiefs.)  But let’s say they drop one of those, then let’s say they only go 2-4 in the 6 tough games (not impossible considering three of them are on the road.)  Suddenly after starting 6-0, they end 5-5. 

Meanwhile the San Diego Chargers have home v Raiders, home v Kansas City, @ Cleveland, @ Tennessee, and home v Washington.  Let’s say they win all five- a stretch because it’s the Chargers but bear with me.  They also have 5 tough games- @Giants, home v Eagles, @ Denver, @ Dallas, home v Cincinnati.  Let’s say they win three of those- and considering 3 are at home it could happen.  Suddenly after starting 3-3, they end 8-2 and tie the Broncos.

If one of those “tough” wins is against the Broncos, they split the season series, and if one of the Broncos dumb losses is against the AFC West then the Chargers take the Division.  I’m not saying it’s going to happen, I’m just saying that the Broncos collapsing coinciding with a Chargers surge has happened before and I’m going to be watching for it again.  Of course, another Denver collapse almost ensures Norv Turner keeps his job, so Chargers fans, what are you really going to cheer for?

One game, winner takes all, NFC West

This is the kind of thing that would be really interesting if it weren’t in the NFC West.

Both the San Francisco 49ers (@Colts, @Packers, @Eagles) and the Arizona Cardinals (@Chicago, Minnesota, Green Bay) have some tough games left on their schedule, and both have some easy games left- after all they both get to play the Rams twice a year.  The Cardinals might have a little easier schedule of the two but on Monday December 14th they go to San Francisco and more than likely that one game will determine who wins the West.  Every division should be like two kids fighting for their parents love, make it like a heavyweight fight, one match, winner-take-all, winner gets the bedroom to themselves, loser gets sent to live with Roman Polanski.  Unless it’s Jon and Kate’s kids, then it should be like a UFC fight.  But back to the Niners/Cardinals- you may remember the amazing game between the two on MNF last year, which has only set the bar a little higher for this year’s contest.  

Brett Favre’s arm falls off

There once was a team, with an under-fire coach, a good running game, and a good defense.  This team had struggled with the QBs it drafted and the coach was desperate.  So he signed Brett Favre. 

Vikings fans, I’m a Jets fan.  I don’t usually admit that out-loud but I feel like I am uniquely qualified to warn you: don’t get sucked in.  I know your running game is better than ours was, and so is your defense, and heck he’s playing better for you than he did for us (slightly) but I’m begging you, for your own good: don’t get sucked in.

You know that we were 8-3 with him at one point right?  You remember that?  It peaked with a Week 12 win over the then-undefeated Titans.  He led us to New England and Tennessee on back-to-back weeks and won both of them on the road.  It was pretty freaking cool.  And you know what- he was having fun out there!  But hell, so was I.  

Then his arm fell off.

In the first 11 games with us he had an averaged QB rating of 94.5.  Pretty freaking good. 

In his first 7 games with you he has averaged 105.6.  Again, you’re better.  I get that.  But you’re not different.  His final 5 QB ratings with the Jets, in order: 60.9, 60.8, 61.4, 48.7, 45.1.  That forty-five point one was against the Dolphins, with the playoffs on the line.  I’m not complaining because that choke-job against the Fins landed us Mark Sanchez (cougars always lead you to a younger-model, don’t they?).  I’m just warning.  His arm is going to fall off.  Did you see the wobbly throws?  Especially when he was on the move.  Did you see that his passes weren’t way off, but off just enough to tip them up?  And tips don’t work out well against teams like the Steelers.  Look you’re 6-1, you should be 7-0.  You’re better than the Jets were with him, I get that.  But be careful, when he hits the wall, it’s going to hurt all of you. 

Cinci/Pittsburgh, wild-card weekend

Hell hath no punishment like making someone live in Cincinnati.  

2005 feels like forever ago, but to Cincinnati Bengals fans that year must haunt their dreams.  Cinci and Pittsburgh Steelers both went 11-5, they matched up in the First Round, and thanks to a better division record Cinci got to host the game.  One the second offensive play for the Bengals, Carson Palmer threw a 66 yard touchdown but gets injured on the play.  That was 4 years ago this January and Carson is only now beginning to look like himself again.  Pittsburgh stole the prime of his career from Carson Palmer and I want revenge.  Hopefully so does Cinci.  Flash forward to 2009, both Pittsburgh and Cincinnati are 5-2 but the Bengals has the better record within the Division.  Here’s hoping they get to host a playoff game. 

Cold-Weather Super Bowl

I know that the Super Bowl is no longer for football fans.  It’s for advertisers, MTV, and the chicken-wing-industrial complex.  But that doesn’t change the fact that we’ve had some pretty kick ass Super Bowls recently.  There’s only one thing the Super Bowl has been missing, and it’s something that looks even better in HD: snow.  You know the stuff- falls from the sky, makes defenders fall down, tastes funny when it’s yellow, and looks great in HD.  I mean I’d be willing to sit through a U2 concert if it were in HD and in the snow, although that might be just because of the small chance that Bono gets electrocuted by a puddle of melted snow.  But why are Super Bowls exclusively in weather-free zones?  The game has never (never!) been played anywhere that might have some actually interesting weather. 

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to live anywhere that has interesting weather, 70 and sunny is just fine for me to live in, but to watch, that’s where I want cool stuff to look at.  I’m not saying “give the game to Green Bay,” I think the Jacksonville and Houston debacles already reminded the NFL that you need plenty of hotel rooms and advertisers.  So why not Chicago?  They lost out on the Olympics but they would be a perfect fit for a Super Bowl.  Weather, great city, you’ll even get the President to show up; heck if it’s an election year you’d probably even get him to kick off.  Just once give me a Super Bowl where it’s snowing.  Do it for the children.  Even better, do it for the high-def.  

Undefeated Peyton Manning taking on Eli’s Giants

The Colts have only 3 tough games left on their schedule- New England, Baltimore, Denver.  Two of those are at home.  Am I crazy or can they go undefeated?  The Saints see Dallas, Atlanta (twice), and New England as well, and I just don’t see them going Perfect.  But Peyton’s Colts?  They could win 16 games.  In fact Peyton Manning has thrown 15 touchdowns this year, know how many he threw in his first 6 games in ’04 when he set the record?  17.  He’s only two off the pace.  We could be looking at a Brady-in-2007 type season for Peyton.  Winning every game, by a lot.  Business-like, dominating.  In fact the Colts going undefeated now seems more likely to happen than the Giants making the Super Bowl, but what if they did? 

There’s literally no other scenario I can think of, that would be BIGGER, than an undefeated Peyton Manning taking on an underdog Giants team in the Super Bowl.  Battling for perfection.  Battling for the first Manning to get two Championships.  Battling for their Father’s love. 

Are any of these things going to happen?  I don’t know, but I’m going to keep watching to find out.