<\/p>\n
Editor’s note: click “World Cup” in the tags below to see the rest of Leaky Pipes’ columns<\/em><\/p>\n Today is the final day of my previews and as excited as I am for this thing to start, I am going to miss writing these–Uruguay fans, I\u2019m going to miss you the most<\/em>. <\/span>Especially since you\u2019re going to crash out in the first round, our time together will ultimately be too short. <\/span> As with many things, there is a very real possibility that the main event can\u2019t live up to the hype. <\/span>And considering this year\u2019s top players have the shelf-life of Gulf coast shrimp, this whole thing might be won by the team that simply has the least injuries. <\/span>Urm, um, that is, ya know, if it were possible to win. <\/span>Which it\u2019s not. <\/span>Moving on\u2026 Group H is just another example of the, ah, interesting grouping of teams. <\/span>The only two countries in the world that speak Portuguese are grouped together. <\/span>The two most prominent English-speaking countries in the world are grouped together. <\/span>The conspiracy theorist in me can\u2019t help but notice these coincidences; like have you ever noticed that FIFA always schedules Trinidad in the same group as Tobago? <\/span> But anyway, in Group H three-quarters of the group are Spanish-speaking. <\/span>Now, I know what you\u2019re gonna say: \u201cBut Ryan half the field speaks Spanish.\u201d <\/span>Well, you\u2019re wrong, only a quarter of the field speaks Spanish (actually 7 out of 32, which isn\u2019t even 22%). <\/span>And looking at the groups, there was about a 3% chance of having a Spanish supergroup like this one. <\/span>If it feels like I\u2019m using my math nerd-dom to drag my feet because I don\u2019t want these to end\u2026you\u2019re right. <\/span>I\u2019m also paving the way to refer to this as Group Menudo. <\/span> The number of teams that have a legitimate shot to win the World Cup could be counted on Rahm Emmanuel\u2019s hand. <\/span>Italy is too old, Argentina too crazy, France too old and too crazy. <\/span>England, Germany, Ivory Coast, and Ghana have too many injuries to overcome. <\/span>Really the only teams that have a true chance are Brazil, Netherlands, and\u2026Spain. <\/span> Spain The biggest knock on Spain is the same knock on Netherlands: history. <\/span>Spain hasn\u2019t made it past the quarter-finals in half a century. <\/span>They crashed out in the Group stage four times during that stretch. <\/span>Before 2008, they had similar success in Europe–no championships in 44 years but 3 first round losses. <\/span> But then 2008 happened. <\/span>The Spanish began an attacking football that is nearly unbeatable. <\/span>They are always moving forward, asking questions, pushing the boundaries, looking for weaknesses in those that oppose them. <\/span>I think you know where I\u2019m heading with this one, there can only be one nickname for this team: The Inquisition. It was no coincidence that this squad hit their stride two years ago and haven\u2019t stopped since. <\/span>They have exactly one player older than 30, they do not have a single teenager on the roster. <\/span>Their stars play for the best clubs in the best leagues in the world. <\/span>In fact, Arsenal\u2019s captain, (and arguably the most untouchable player in England) Cesc Fabergas, cannot even crack their starting 11. <\/span>Their midfield is incredible with everything flowing through Barcelona star Xavi. <\/span>Their strikers are deadly–if Fernando Torres is at full-strength alongside Euro 08 star David Villa they could combine for double-digit goals. <\/span>Their defense is solid to go along with their long-line of stellar keepers. <\/span>This isn\u2019t a collection of superstars (even though that is exactly what they all are) but instead a cohesive unit that is Dangerous. <\/span> Just in the last year they have beaten eight different World Cup teams. <\/span>They were undefeated in qualifying. <\/span>And in their last 18 games against teams in this year\u2019s World Cup they are 16-1-1. <\/span>That lone loss to the US last summer never ceases to amaze me. <\/span> It is honestly hard to think of reasons that they wouldn\u2019t win. <\/span>They don\u2019t have the apathy that Brazil occasionally displays, and they have had more recent success than the Netherlands have. <\/span>But I\u2019ll do my best\u2026 1- Of the 13 Euro champions only one (West Germany \u201988) went on to win the World Cup two years later. <\/span>As I\u2019ve said before, to win it all takes luck. <\/span>Having won a championship recently, Spain might have used that luck up. <\/span>(Of their 16 wins against World Cup teams, ten of those wins were by a single goal including five one-nil wins.) <\/span>Obviously it takes skill to win that often, but winning five games one to nothing also takes quite a bit of luck. 2- The US victory wasn\u2019t just luck (although that was part of it). <\/span>Instead the US unveiled a blueprint for how to beat Spain. <\/span>And it\u2019s the same blueprint that free-flowing teams have always faced: clog the midfield. <\/span>Spain really does flow through Xavi. <\/span>Their strikers play with the ball at their feet. <\/span>Even their defenders are known for keeping the ball rather than just booting it. <\/span>All of these things are what form a dangerous attack. <\/span>And all of them can be exploited. <\/span> The teams that Spain has beaten repeatedly (France, Italy) are too old to keep up. <\/span>Teams like England or Argentina aren\u2019t disciplined enough to truly bog down the game. <\/span>Ironically the US is one of the few teams with the youth and energy but humble ambitions (along with superb goalkeeping) to slow down and survive the Spanish onslaught. <\/span> 3- The last strike against Spain is that they didn\u2019t get an easy draw. <\/span>They\u2019ll survive their group (which is easy) but they would have survived any group. <\/span>But staring opposite them is the Group of Death. <\/span>If Brazil stumbles and finishes 2nd<\/sup> in Group G we could be looking at Brazil\/Spain in the first elimination game. <\/span>A game worthy of the Championship could be for a berth into the Quarters. <\/span> But Spain\u2019s tougher test might be in the Quarters against Cameroon. <\/span>Les Lions aren\u2019t a lock-down defense but they do play a pestering midfield that could frustrate (read: beat up) Spain. <\/span>A physical but energetic team could be the only way that Spain is going down. <\/span> Fortunately for me (and for the column\u2019s premise) I expect them to run into that type of opposition. <\/span>And I expect their luck will run out. <\/span> Chile More than anyone outside of the African teams, La Roja<\/em><\/span> are starting to get some darkhorse rumblings. <\/span>The team that beat Paraguay, Denmark, Slovakia, and Argentina is a formidable one. <\/span>But the reason they\u2019re a darkhorse and not an out-and-out favorite is that this is the same team that lost to Paraguay, Spain, Mexico, and (by four goals) to Japan. <\/span> You\u2019re going to hear a lot about Chile throughout this cup because they are more attacking than anyone else. <\/span>They play with as many strikers as defenders, with their mission being to keep the ball as far up the pitch as possible. <\/span>This style is why they could make some noise and certainly develop a following but it\u2019s also this style that leaves them vulnerable (like when they lost 3-nil to Paraguay). <\/span>There\u2019s a rumor that their fans are drunker then most, but at the World Cup that\u2019s just par for the course. <\/span> And while I fully expect them to survive the group, there is the little matter of the winner of the Group of Death waiting for them. <\/span>But if the world is praying for a Spain\/Brazil game, Chile is probably willing to sacrifice virgins to make that happen. <\/span>Because if they duck Brazil, Chile could face a worn-down Ivory Coast or a Portuguese team that\u2019s just waiting to collapse. <\/span>And suddenly Chile could be in the Quarters. <\/span>Unfortunately for them, I don\u2019t expect that to happen. La Roja didn\u2019t make either of the last two World Cups, but in \u201998 they did survive the Group stage- only to get slaughtered by Brazil in the first elimination game. <\/span>Barring a miracle, the same thing is going to happen again this year. Honduras The US has played Honduras five times in the last twelve months, which means that most US player saw Honduras more times than they saw Avatar. <\/span>The US won four of those games (all of which were in the Gold Cup or WC Qualifying while Honduras\u2019 lone consolation prize was in a friendly). But despite the one win over the US earlier this year, Honduras\u2019 recent form can\u2019t instill confidence. <\/span>They haven\u2019t played a World Cup foe since that US game, and in the five games since then against non-WC opponents Honduras went 0-3-2 being outscored 8 to 2. Their nickname–Los Catrachos–roughly translates to \u201cfrom Honduras\u201d. <\/span>Which is a bit like how all NHL teams in Canada have team nicknames referring to the fact that they\u2019re from Canada. <\/span>Honduras only made one World Cup before, twenty-eight years ago, and they didn\u2019t win a game. <\/span>This time around the team only made the World Cup because of Jonny Bornstein\u2019s header to tie Costa Rica. <\/span>But surely their tournament results will be the same. Switzerland The only country that doesn\u2019t speak Spanish, the Swiss might feel a bit left out when their group throws the end of the year party. <\/span>But Switzerland was going to feel left out in any group that didn\u2019t include the Cayman Islands or the gold coin vault that Uncle Scrooge use to swim in. <\/span> They\u2019re also going to feel left out style-wise. <\/span>While the Spanish have the best attack in the world, and Chile has the most aggressive one, the Army Knives are left to bask in the glory of being the only team in history to be eliminated from the World Cup without ever allowing a goal (they lost on PKs after another nil-nil draw in the first elimination game in \u201906.) <\/span> They\u2019re also going to feel left out age-wise. <\/span>Spain\u2019s success is due in large part to their age. <\/span>They have managed to put a team together, born entirely in the 80s, that is at peak-age. <\/span>Meanwhile the Swiss are starting a striker born in \u201975 but could rely heavily on Xherdan Shaqiri who was born in \u201991. The one place the Swiss won\u2019t feel left out is their own homes. <\/span>Fortunately for them, nobody else will win the Cup either. <\/span> ***** Well guys and gals it\u2019s been a lot of fun looking at these 32 losers with you. <\/span>Feel free to come back tomorrow just for old times\u2019 sake. <\/span> I\u2019ll be doing some recaps throughout the tourney–unless Uruguay survives Group A, in which case I\u2019ll be hiding under a rock. <\/span>Or if Italy makes it to the Quarters, in which case I\u2019ll be walking into traffic. Thanks for reading, and let\u2019s go U.S. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Leaky Pipes is back with his uber-offensive (apparently) series explaining why no team will taste immortality this Summer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"newspack_sponsor_sponsorship_scope":"","newspack_sponsor_native_byline_display":"inherit","newspack_sponsor_native_category_display":"inherit","newspack_sponsor_underwriter_style":"inherit","newspack_sponsor_underwriter_placement":"inherit","inline_featured_image":false,"newspack_ads_suppress_ads":false,"newspack_popups_has_disabled_popups":"","_":"","_author_alias":"","cap-aim":"","cap-description":"","cap-display_name":"","cap-first_name":"","cap-jabber":"","cap-last_name":"","cap-linked_account":"","cap-newspack_employer":"","cap-newspack_job_title":"","cap-newspack_phone_number":"","cap-newspack_role":"","cap-user_email":"","cap-user_login":"","cap-website":"","cap-yahooim":"","newspack_article_summary":"","newspack_email_html":"","newspack_email_type":"","newspack_featured_image_position":"","newspack_hide_page_title":"","newspack_hide_updated_date":false,"newspack_post_subtitle":"","newspack_show_share_buttons":"","newspack_sponsor_byline_prefix":"","newspack_sponsor_disclaimer_override":"","newspack_sponsor_flag_override":"","newspack_sponsor_only_direct":"","newspack_sponsor_url":"","newspack_article_summary_title":"Overview:","newspack_show_updated_date":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"newspack_spnsrs_tax":[],"coauthors":[],"class_list":["post-1085","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sports","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/sports\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1085","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/sports\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/sports\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/sports\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/18"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/sports\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1085"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/sports\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1085\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/sports\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1085"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/sports\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1085"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/sports\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1085"},{"taxonomy":"newspack_spnsrs_tax","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/sports\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/newspack_spnsrs_tax?post=1085"},{"taxonomy":"author","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/lbpost.com\/sports\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/coauthors?post=1085"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}