DATELINE: North Pole
Santa Claus’ press agent released a statement from Rudolph The CFL Nose Reindeer today saying in part that Rudolph has undergone cosmetic surgery this fall to replace his previous red incandescent nose with a more environmentally friendly compact fluorescent lamp.
“The illumination is actually brighter and it uses way less energy,” said Rudolph in the statement. “While I do not burn fossil fuels, I do eat a lot of hay, oats and grasses, and well those have exhaust too if you get my drift. There has been a lot of media attention this past year on the methane production of my bovine cousins, and frankly they have gotten a bit of a bad rap since they take all the negative press despite the fact that other animals, such as reindeer, have four chamber stomachs capable of producing a lot of methane gas. Believe me share a stable with Dancer and Prancer and you will understand.”
Concerned that the strong white glow from his new nose will have a negative effect in high fog areas Rudolph has taken several flights above the North Pole to acclimate himself to the new white light. “It took a while to get used to. I crashed into a few of the workshop roofs as my distance perception was off after all those years with a red light. But on a moonless stretch of night, which happens over part of the Earth each Christmas, or over the oceans, the CFL is awesome.”
Santa and his other reindeer also have had to become accustomed to following Rudolph’s white light, but once they took a few practice flights they all have come to like the CFL better than the old red glow from Rudolph. Said Vixen, “You know there is really nothing to do during flights but stare at Donner’s butt. With Rudie’s new glow I can bring some books along to read during the flight. I tried books on tape before but the earphone cord gets caught up in Santa’s reins and there were a couple of incidents, so now I just cruise along enjoying a good book.”
In the statement Santa proclaimed, “I was never overly comfortable with the relationship between the red light on Rudolph and its connotations in certain parts of the world, if you know what I mean–ho, ho, ho. As you know I have always been very current with technological advances and children’s toys and the culture of the various countries we visit. Adding a CFL to Rudolph is environmentally sound and also let’s the children of the world know that Santa cares about the environment. I have to tell you, with the global warming going on it is getting harder and harder to carry this weight during the summer. We want to do our part and set a good example.”
So this year if you are trying to sneak a peak at Santa and his sleigh do not scour the sky looking for a red glow, but a bright fluorescent white light–sort of like a lighthouse flying through the night.
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