Quarantine Chronicles Day 18: There are voices in my head telling me this might all be a hoax

One happy effect of my Day 17 column about my sister is the number of emails and Facebook comments that poured in from relatives and friends of mine and/or Debi’s. So it’s been hardly boring in Isolationland for today, at least, since I’ve been busy trying to respond to as many letters and notes as I can, but if you don’t get one from me, know that your concern is appreciated and put it off to the fact when it comes to polite social engagement, I’m far behind my sister. In fact, I texted her this morning to hurry up and get better so she can help me with all these responses and I can go back to lounging around in, well, my loungewear and look wistfully out the living room window and occasionally run to the front door and holler, “Hey! Hey! Distance, people!” at strolling couples sashaying down my street. You’re all welcome to go on my grass, but maintain a 6-foot space.

I probably still have another hour or two to go with my newfound hobby as a gracious and mannered person who responds to emails and social media comments, and then I plan on going out back and slamming my head repeatedly against the cinderblock fence until I become stupid enough to join up with coronavirus conspiracy morons.

Of course, I’m going to call them morons. I’m part of the media that is just trying to get everyone hysterical with fear in order to make President Trump look bad. Or perhaps it’s more than that. Maybe the media wants to shut the country down in order to advance our globalist new world order.

There are a couple of Twitter gangs roving around right now that are getting attention: #FauciFraud, because Dr. Anthony Fauci been a little lackadaisical in lockstepping with President Trump, who’s apparently the only one in the world who really knows what’s going on, as he’s shown almost every day since the coronavirus surfaced. And, if you’re just now tuning in, I hate to have to explain it, but that’s a bit of sarcasm.

An even creepier group, though, I don’t know, maybe it’s more of a toss-up, is #FilmYourHospital, whose users find it veeeeery suspicious that hospitals don’t resemble the “war zones” as they say the media hysterically describes them.

Reading these coronavirus hoax tweets makes more sense if you read them while wearing an aluminum foil hat. I don’t know why. I’m no scientist. Maybe it blocks out reason and sanity.

To offer support that the whole thing is a hoax, that there’s no mad rush of COVID-19 patients and that we should all return to work and large gatherings, are videos posted of hospitals with virtually no cars in their parking lots, no patients in outdoor emergency tents and even some nurses standing around demonstrably not nursing. One filmer even took a video of Long Beach Memorial, where absolutely nothing was visibly going on, except that’s where my sister is, right now. The fact that these intrepid poor man’s “60 Minutes” camera buffs aren’t seeing much is due to the very fact that coronavirus isn’t a hoax. In trying to stem its rapid growth, and out of preparation for an anticipated onslaught of COVID patients, hospitals are allowing no visitors, and no non-emergency surgery, hence, sparsely-filled parking lots as well as mostly empty hallways and common areas. The quiet, alone, should be disturbing. They’re making room, perhaps, for suddenly and suspiciously ill conspiracy idiots.

This isn’t a museum. They don’t put coronavirus patients like my sister in the picture windows like the penguin display at the Aquarium of the Pacific.

And if you don’t believe there are going to be many more people with the virus, by all means, prance around outside all you want. Throw conspiracy rallies in small, crowded, poorly ventilated rooms. Do that enough and there’ll be plenty to film in a couple of weeks. Don’t make us explain exponential growth to you again.

Thankfully, there are plenty of tweets taking a reasoned stand against these hashtags. In fact, both of them have at least as many sane people to balance out the crackpots.

“Look at this empty hospital,” tweeted one madman. “I know a psyop when I see one.”

“All tents empty, all parking lots empty, all ERs empty. What is really going on??”

There are a million of these, with a few hundred thousand spelling “patients” like “patience.”

Finally, someone with some sense summed it up pretty well: “Every doctor in America is part of some nefarious plot, but you’re too smart to be deceived.”

Got some of your own yarns to tell about how you’re dealing with isolation? Send them to [email protected], or find me on Facebook and Twitter where I’m @grobaty.

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Tim Grobaty is a columnist and opinions editor for the Long Beach Post. He began his newspaper career at the Press-Telegram in 1976 as a copy boy and moved on to feature writer, music critic, TV critic, copy editor and daily columnist. He’s the author of several books, including I’m Dyin’ Here, and he lives in Long Beach.