Quarantine Chronicles Day 42: A quarter for your conspiratorial thoughts

I’m sick (well, not literally; don’t panic) of a lot of aspects of the coronavirus. Most particularly, of course, is the fact that today is the 42nd consecutive day that I’ve been locked in a closet, forced at gunpoint to write a column about living in the COVID age.

I feel like a beat writer for a Major League Baseball team that’s 16.5 games out of first place and every day I need to come up with a story that makes it sound like they’re still in the hunt, if only they could make a trade for a good closer and a second baseman who can hit over .235.

Also, that sportswriter I feel like never gets a day off, because the true point of the exercise is to see how long the baseball writer can go before he disappears on a three-week angel-dust binge before he’s found cowering in a squat house three blocks from the stadium and, sadly, is never the same cheery young lad again.

One thing that continues to give me cheer and fresh copy is a good conspiracy theory. Even one that doesn’t have any real focus other than “you gotta admit, it sure seems fishy.”

Currently at the No. 1 spot on my most-ridiculous list is the “Bat Coin.” A 25-cent piece issued by the U.S. Mint as part of its America the Beautiful Quarters Program, a series which celebrates a national park or other national site in each American state or territory. It’s possibly the least sinister thing coming out of the government this year.

Or is it? One of the 2020 quarters released this year honors American Samoa National Park, the only national park that is home to the Samoan fruit bat, and the coin has on its obverse (heads) side, once again, George Washington, and on the reverse, or tails, side is a depiction of a mother fruit bat hanging from a tree with her offspring.

I’m still going with “not sinister,” and I’m willing to accept the Mint’s explanation. But I’m gullible. If I have a weakness, it’s my reluctance to look askance at things like pocket money.

The Mint explains: “The image evokes the remarkable care and energy that this species puts into their offspring. The design is intended to promote awareness to the species’ threatened status due to habitat loss and commercial hunting.”

Really? Is that really it? You sure it doesn’t have anything to do with the SARS-CoV-2 coronavirus that likely originated in bats and made the jump from bats to humans through an intermediate species? Because it doesn’t pass the smell test, according to some wacky people who claim that putting a bat on U.S. currency may be some sort of Deep State/QAnon/Illuminati/Masonic Bat Signal regarding a New World Order in which most of us will be lucky to stay on as slaves.

A post circulating on social media says “BATS symbolize DEATH and REBIRTH, Is this a clue that they want to kill the masses and start a NEW WORLD or REBIRTH of their own?”

Probably, because how else could “they” kill the masses and start a new world without first putting out a quarter with bats on it?

One numismaniac posted on Twitter: “I think the timing is interesting. The US Mint introduced a quarter on February 3, 2020. This quarter has bats engraved on the back. The very next day, the US began a process of locking down.”

Hmmm. I don’t know. I don’t recall the US doing anything at all in February to begin the process of locking down. Those were the days when it was supposedly going to dwindle down to zero cases. But I’m willing to go along with the tweet’s suspicions: Once the Bat Coin is released, commence the lockdown!

I’m still incredulous. There’s gotta be a clearer way to get the message out than putting it on a coin honoring American Samoa National Park. Wasn’t the all-seeing Eye of Providence on the back of the dollar bill clear enough of a sign?

One piece of advice to close with. If a clerk gives you a Bat Coin as change for your purchase, be sure to give them the secret wink of a fellow traveler. They’ll know what you mean.