Like those fancy DVDs who offer you alternate openings and endings, the Dust today features the same, mostly because of the weekend that was (and the tormented mind of your author).

In the beginning I had decided to use that bobblehead hook, you know, Tulo and his alma mater were awful on Saturday when the toy-boy version went down 11-1 to UC Davis and the human version 0-4 against Pittsburgh. But by Sunday the Niners were winning again, 3-1 and TT went above .200 (.214) and his team does lead the NL West. Tuesday is the annual 6:00pm “swing for the fences” stop at UCLA’s Jackie Robinson field, then back to bunting all weekend when UC Riverside comes to Blair.

Baseball alternate opening No. 2 focused on shaky defense. “Tulo shook his head a lot, especially when you realize that the marketing staff unloaded 1,500 of his wire and plaster images before the game begin. Subtract about 490 that went to new homes before the game even got underway, well, that still left a lot bobble in the ball park.”

I was all ready to then continue my Torpedo of Truth tour talking about the puzzling recent past of men’s volleyball but then that patient teacher of physics, sporting and scientific, Andy Read ‘splained it all to me. “Yes, we are trying to run a faster offense but since we have already clinched a MPSF berth, and it won’t be at home, it’s time to work on something that will help us in the tourney. My concern is getting our middles involved,” said Read. “They have 40 kills in the win at Stanford, and they’ve maybe combined for 40 in the four matches since.” So toss those stats about losing to UC Irvine (the ‘Niners still lead in the Black and Blue rivalry) since Andy’s dandies beat UCSD. Besides, everybody wants to be in a happy mood for senior night this Saturday in the match against Northridge.

Another nugget I considered going with was the remarkable and hyphenated freshman pitching—and now hitting—star of Beach softball, Erin Jones-Wesley. Her team is still hot, (25-13, 3-3 Big West) winning two of three defeating Northridge, 4-0 and 6-2 with just one miserable (and perhaps avoidable) 3-2 loss. E J-W picked up two wins to move to 14-4 on the season. Next up, free Breast Cancer Awareness T-Shirts on Saturday as part of the weekend with UC Davis.

Then I thought about just accentuating the positive with the likely May 21st 2:00pm visit at Blair by the Major’s hottest pitcher, Dirtbag turned Angel, Jered Weaver. The Dream man just had that 15 K outing and is a startling 3-0 with a sub 1.00 ERA. Former Dirtbags sell tickets and the LB marketing brain trust figures to find 250 or so tee-shirts for the last home series (and a winnable one since it is CSUN). The other positive thought is that the national pundits still think the Beach will get an NCAA invite. One outfit who likes LB says the Dirtbags would be Nashville Cats. If Baseball America is right, LBSU would be the #4 seed at Vanderbilt with Troy State and Louisville.

I also briefly considered my treasure trove of Troy Buckley quotations. “We just don’t allow our guys to walk people, they know they have to get ahead in the count”… When asked about a goal to win two of three each series,”We are not trying to figure out this season, we are trying to win the Big West.” On his new hitting star Juan Avila, “Juan is getting very comfortable at the plate.” From Juan, “Coach Gilbert has worked with me on my load and trigger”… Translated: cocking the bat and swinging the bat, (I think)… Juan on his early defensive lapses, “I try to separate my offense from my defense”… Last add Buck, “I see Juan in a competition with Hibbert, they are both improving a lot… we are grinders… maybe that 20-0 thing (at Pacific) let us forget who we really are.”

Buck still makes the notes despite getting tossed in the one win of the weekend. “Sometimes you have to do something to get your team energized.” And did he put on a wig and floppy hat and hang in the tunnel to see the rest of the game? “I was in my office using the Gametracker; they had a security guy outside my door. (There is however a back door and a possible viewing areas not far from his secret exit, but…) And what he did in his off time during game time, “I have been thinking about pitching.” Shocking, Buck thinking about pitching. Current thoughts are on how to get Pinder back to his 2010 form, translated: pitching to both sides of the plate and cleaning up some delivery problems.

NOTES ON CLOTH NAPKINS—Best of the men’s basketball banquet was Coach Monson talking about his two teams at Gonzaga, the one that should have made the dance and the next year, when they got to the Elite Eight, and what it will take for next year’s LBSU bunch to repeat that history… and the news flash that his daughter Molly wants to bring Greg Plater to her school’s “special friend day.”

How do you explain the relative success of Fullerton State with just six Titans making Opening Day rosters compared to eleven Dirtbags starting the season in the show? F-Hat Slam #2—how did the Goodwin Field security guys let that Westside Rentals fool in the park and set up so the Sunday TV had to catch his bad act all afternoon long. He wore that same too tight green deal he had at the Honda Center, apparently a change from the Motley Fool costume he wore at the Pyramid. The surveillance key is to look for the backpack!

Another ex-Bag tale, this from Sean Boatright who signed for a trip to Canada to play for the independent Calgary Vipers starting in May. The muscled but oft-injured Boats is 27 but told other media, “I started to realize I was physically and mentally in a good spot,” he said. “Those four years off gave my body time to repair, and I felt none of the stress that I dealt with all through college.” His comeback inspiration? “The story that really inspired me was Bob Cramer.”

Cramer’s Dirtbag pitching career was shortened by arm injuries, then hustled his career back to life in the Mexican League before the call-up to Oakland. Boat said, “I felt like I needed to give it another shot… I didn’t want to find myself wondering if I could still play when it was definitely too late.”

So with USC rumored to come after Titan Coach Dave Serrano, the favorite possible replacement in Fullerton is Bakersfield head man and former CSUF aide Bill Kernan. He picked up his 300th career victory as Bakersfield (22-8) won the series over CSUN last weekend.

“You have to understand these are people who think excessive practice (Michigan) is worse than withholding information and/or lying (Ohio State).”  Erase that, leftover from my football edition.

If you recognized the name of Coach Tricia Cullop in Toledo’s WNIT 73-68 championship win over USC then give yourself a prize. Yes, that is the same woman who was part of the Purdue connection that brought Dallas Boychuk Bolla to The Beach in the mid-90s. After assistant coaching stops at Xavier, Radford and Long Beach State, Cullop got the top job at Evansville before Toledo. The well-known secret to successful programs, however, is support, like the phenomenal attendance that Toledo gets and which earned them home games all the way through the NIT—wins over BCS biggies Syracuse, Alabama, Auburn and Southern Cal in the final. They sell out 7,000-plus all the time and the cha-ching gets past the stigma of being a dreaded mid-major.

That empties the in-box, write your own ending. My head still hurts.