2:30pm | Media watchers may rightfully complain that columnists are unnecessarily existential, looking backwards, forwards and peeling the sporting onion and athletic artichoke to get to a kernel or two of truth. Wow, metaphors gone mad, but anyhow it is that time of the week for us to post what was or will be in 900 words or less.

Last week the calendar was busier than Paris Hilton’s travel agent. The run started with a Coach Chat on Wednesday, to Blair Field on Saturday for the baseball and softball Hall of Fame, Sunday screaming by fans of the Jonas Brothers and anybody who thought there was going to be a real softball game. Monday brought a double dose of people and parties. At 3:00pm we hobnobbed with the rich, fit and famous (that would be TV workout woman Denise Austin) for the grand opening of the LBSU Recreation and Wellness Center. Sweating with that oldie finished about 4:30pm before a race up the hill for the 5:30pm check-in at the annual SAR Donor/Athlete dinner in the former center of campus life, the University Student Union. Almost exhausted by Tuesday we still hit the Century Club meeting featuring the coaches, players and President Phil Goodman of the LBSU Ice Hockey club. At the end of that session Phil mercifully sent me to my personal penalty box for some R&R and a Omaha steak.

The upcoming calendar won’t be nearly as exhausting because I have cut out all those hot appetizers and cold handshaking for my simple spot on press row.  The action, in person or on the PC, includes tennis in Berkeley, soccer on campus, volleyball here and there and golf in Michigan and Illinois.

Since my charming dinner companion at the scholarship dinner was Noelle Zavaleta we will begin with women’s golf that comes into their second tournament of the fall ranked No. 25 in the country and playing at Michigan State.  Her teammates include hot hitting Simone Hoey, Reina Rogers and freshman Rochelle Chan. The two-day 54-hole tournament begins on Saturday and yes, if you are computer savvy, you can almost be there using the golfstat.com link.

Of course via DVR magic you can experience a lot of chat about the nifty new slogan of “It takes LB to make MLB,” some heads were turned when the Dirtbag of the Day on Wednesday wasn’t Tulowitzki or Longoria, but the well-traveled left fielder for the Pittsburgh Pirates, John Bowker! Up and down more than the escalator at the mall, Bowker had a homer and a double in a 3-3, 2 RBI, 2 runs scored victory over St. Louis. John edged out Evan who contributed again in a 2-4, homer and 2 RBI effort as the Rays beat the Yankees.  His LBSU best was a .323 average and 1st Team All-Big West after leading the Dirtbags to the NCAA Super Regionals in 2004. Oh yes, Bowker also hit the 47th Splash Hit at AT&T Park.

At home the suddenly hot soccer team goes after suddenly slumping previously #19 Arizona State who were upset by the initials UCF 5-0 last weekend. It is Big West vs. PAC-10 (next year PAC-12) so the 4:00pm first whistle at George Allen should be fun.

In Berkeley Beach Tennis, brings back Big West Freshman of the Year Jaklin Alawi who begins the season ranked #100 in the Preseason Singles Rankings by the ITA. The added excitement for Coach Jennifer Hilt-Costello is seeing sophomore Klaudia Malenovska, who after a lost season, is now eligible to play in fall tournaments. The highest ranked recruit out of last year’s four freshman, the Slovakia native hits the court for the first time this weekend and will pair with the other hard hitter, Alawi in doubles. Both hit the ball so hard it smokes and speak to each other in secret languages.

DIET DUSTING—The best of the party foods was the Wellness Center satay and Donor Dinner bread pudding… Just not sure how I can burn those calories. The volleyball queens have two this weekend, the before mentioned visit to LMU then a suddenly scary visit from Fullerton who beat San Diego in straight sets, yes the same San Diego that beat LBSU in four sets. As our insider says, “It will be a interesting match-up on Saturday night!!!” Of course every match is interesting when you are dreaming of being seeded in the NCAA Top 16 which lets you host the first round. Good news, it seems that the ‘Niner youth are improving every match especially middle blocker Haleigh Hampton who was named a co-POW with last weeks .379 hitting percentage.

Winding down we used to say in these Dust deals that a day without a mention of Misty May was a day without—what ever you really value. For the 49er faithful the revised mantra is a day without Tulo is… listen to Hall of Famer Cal Ripken Jr. quoted in Matthew Futterman’s fancy Wall Street Journal. Rip a player about the same size as Tulo said he once asked our Mr. T why he blocked second with his knee as a runner tried to steal a base, a career-threatening move because of the danger of getting spiked. Mr. Ripken, an analyst for TBS, said that not only did he know which players slide head-first, “He knew which players wore metal cleats and which ones didn’t.”  Scary smart huh?