After learning so much about basketball from Sarah Palin’s resignation announcement, I decided that soccer too has much wisdom to share.  So without further ado, here are some life lessons that soccer has recently taught me:

Sometimes people are backups for a reason

One month after defeating the #1 team in the world (Spain) in the Confederates Cup, the US National Soccer Program decided to send our JV team to the Gold Cup.  Our backups were good enough to roll through the likes of Honduras and Granada, all the way to the Cup Final.  But those of us that followed the team knew that they weren’t world class.  Which made it so scary when they met Mexico in the Final.  While the US was playing with what could generously be their “B” squad, Mexico had their “1a” squad- not all of their best players, but some top-shelf talent. 

The first half the US was able to keep it scoreless, but after a soft penalty put Mexico on the board they began to show the talent gap.  Over the next 35 excruciating minutes Mexico would make it 5-0, leaving (huge US Soccer supporter) Drew Carey with the civilized response: “Two words for Mexico…Drug War.”  This was the embarrassment to end all embarrassments and American fans have no retort for what happened on the field.

In 3 weeks the real US National Team will go to Mexico for a World Cup qualifier, the team that played this past weekend won’t even be allowed to watch it on TV. 

Sometimes when someone doesn’t want to be somewhere, they probably shouldn’t be there

Speaking of people that shouldn’t be playing in the US- David Beckham is kinda a jerk.  I know that’s not the most original or hard-hitting insight but it’s pretty accurate. 

For the 2^nd time since rejoining the Galaxy a few weeks ago, David Beckham challenged a fan to a fight this past weekend.  Ironically the fan was wearing Beckham’s English jersey, but allegedly was saying naughty things about Beck’s wife.  If that’s all it takes to get Becks riled up, I hope he didn’t read any of the reviews of Spice World. 

In all seriousness though, the Galaxy (and really all MLS) fans have every right to be upset.  Becks came, he saw, he piddled out.  He would rather be playing for Milan and at this point the Galaxy need to send him there with a bow on.  He has worn out his welcome, and soccer in the US will be better off without him. 

My strike against the MLS has always been that it’s clearly not as good as the European version, but Becks performance for the Galaxy vs. his play for AC Milan has proven that even MLS fans know when someone is phoning it in.  If the league and the team want to be taken seriously they need to prove they won’t tolerate that. 

Just as the Galaxy fans are showing their displeasure with Becks, fans of Arsenal FC got rid of their striker Emmanuel Adebayor.  While being courted by other teams during last offseason, Adebayor used that to get a new contract out of Arsenal.  But the fans never forgave him.  This past season the fans let him know that if he didn’t want to be there, they didn’t want him there.  So like Shannon Dougherty getting kicked off 90210, Adebayor recently left Arsenal for Manchester City.  He blamed the fans for making him feel unwelcomed.  If that were true, and the fans’ reaction did force him to leave, then I have never been more proud.  Fans are the lifeblood of a team and whenever they wield their power I can’t help but smile. 

Sometimes money matters

Of course the real reason Adebayor left was probably because Man City offered him boatloads of money.  In Euro soccer, players aren’t traded they are sold.  It is quite interesting, and to me seems like the evolution of sports.  Like an agrarian society moving to a capitalist one, rather than try to figure out if a chicken is worth 3 heads of lettuce, soccer has instead gone with straight currency for everything.  Adebayor was not traded to Man City for 3 young players; instead he was sold to them for 25 million pounds.

Sometimes you get a taste of your own medicine

The reason that Man City could drop 25 mil to get Adebayor and double his yearly salary is that Man City is now owned by Dubainese billionaires.  In fact more and more Euro soccer teams have become the playthings of the world’s richest people.  Like a more-crazed Mark Cuban (if that is even possible,) Chelsea’s owner Roman Abramovich- who has no ties to the KGB whatsoever, nothing to see here, move along- really started this trend and began to buy everything in sight.  Because there are no trades, there are just purchases- Chelsea was able to find a player, offer him more money then he could imagine and get him to demand to be sold to Chelsea.  It’s like what the Yankees do but more impatient.  

Which is why it was so fantastic when Man City decided to do the same thing to Chelsea’s captain John Terry.  Man City offered to double his salary if he left Chelsea, so he made his demands public.  Now, a month later and possibly for fear of KGB retribution, he has decided to stay with Chelsea, but the taste of their own medicine was bitter to them and sweet to everyone else.  

Sometimes the shoes matter more than we would all like to admit

But sometimes it’s not just the team’s money that makes the offer, sometimes it’s the logo on the team’s shirt.  While walking through the Adidas store in Santa Monica this past weekend I noticed that Adidas sponsors the Galaxy…and David Beckham…and AC Milan.  Rest assured it’s not a coincidence that Becks left Manchester United (Nike) to join Real Madrid (Adidas), and that he hasn’t played for a non-Adidas team since.  It’s also not a coincidence that French national, Franck Ribery- whom you may remember from the show Gargoyles- is a Nike man; and as such he has asked to leave Bayern Munich (Adidas) to join Barcelona (Nike) or Manchester United (Nike.)  There is a civil war coming, choose a side.  Or move to Switzerland once they become sponsored by New Balance. 

Sometimes life is boring

I love soccer and have discussed it many times in this space- which at one time or another made fans of Manchester United, the MLS, and now Chelsea, all hate me.  But a nil-nil tie is boring.  After two hours of your life, a soccer game that ends without a goal feels like a waste of time.  But then again, sometimes life is boring.  A lot of times life’s unfair, and anybody that has watched a soccer referee knows that soccer has that one too.  There are haves and have-nots.  There are dirty players and people that never live up to their potential.  There are wins, losses, and something in between.

And sometimes, life sucks.  5-0 Mexico.  Lesson learned.