Jason’s legendarily awful, long sports weekend

Time heals all wounds or so the saying goes. I don’t believe it, I’m still smarting from a Thursday night loss that saw my Dallas Cowboys make Chicago Bears quarterback Mitch Trubisky look like Dan Marino.

The Boyz continued their slide from mediocrity to laughing stock this week as they exited week 14 of the regular season still without a win against a team with a winning record. Yet, remarkably and embarrassingly, they remain in first place and in the playoffs.

For reasons best tackled through incremental therapy, I wanted to this up close and very personal. Yet again, the Post would not budget for a trip to the Windy City so I sought out the biggest television in town.

Earlier this decade, Legends Sports Bar unveiled what was tabbed as the largest high definition projector screen in the nation and I thought that maybe, just maybe, with that large of a picture, I could get identify the real problems with the Boyz’ recent slide, relay them to the front office and get us back on track.

It doesn’t hurt that their walls are decked out with gear from decades’ past honoring legends, which immersed me in a world where and when the Boyz were last relevant.

Dak Prescott and the offense came out and efficiently moved the ball through a tough Bears defense on its first drive, capping it off with a Zeke Elliot touchdown run for a quick 7-0 lead.

The same offense that moved the ball effectively on its first drive didn’t make its next cameo in the game until the contest had been largely decided and the Cowboys’ grip on the NFC East—the worst division in football—grew more tentative with each Trubisky touchdown.

My wife tried to snap photos of me being legitimately miserable but I rebuffed her overtures. I wasn’t feeling photogenic.

“You need them for the column,” she reminded me.

“The column can go burn in hell with Jason Garrett,” I said.

As for the screen’s ability to reveal the team’s issues, I say it revealed a bold strategy. Jerry Jones, the team’s aging and ever-public owner, has always wanted quick results, but this year the team seems to be playing the long game.

A combination of a kicker who leads the league in misses, a head coach mired in mediocrity and a defense that is defenseless and either can’t or won’t tackle, has made quarterbacks like Trubisky, Jeff Driskel and Josh Allen look like world beaters.

But by making quarterbacks who have often been regarded as busts look great, the Boyz have lulled these teams into keeping their average signal callers on the team, perhaps even earning some of them extensions. They’re sacrificing this year to ensure a run of success next year, when they will face these middling talents again.  I see you, Jerry Jones.

With Thursday’s loss I entered Monday night’s game between the New York Giants and Philadelphia Eagles with grim prospects. I was forced to root for an Eli Manning-led Giants team against the Eagles who, like the Boyz, are trying their very best not to make the playoffs.

On top of that, my fantasy team—my only current source of dignity—faced the prospect of being eliminated from the playoffs by a Philadelphia Eagle named, wait for it, Dallas.

The game was going great until the Giants, Giant-ed things up and gifted the Birds a win that pulled them into a 6-7 tie with the Boyz atop the standings. Thankfully, Dallas Goedert played much like the Dallas Cowboys and never really showed up for this game so my fantasy team advanced.

This week’s results have dropped the Boyz chances of winning the division—their only route to the playoffs—to 61% according to the New York Times. However, in the spirit of Christmas miracles, they also cling to a one percent chance of winning the Super Bowl.

To quote ‘Dumb and Dumber’s” Lloyd Christmas,” So you’re saying there’s a chance.”

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Jason Ruiz covers City Hall and politics for the Long Beach Post.
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