Photos by Brian Addison.
You might call it an impossible feat, to complete the task we set before you, but we feel there is no better way to honor National Cheeseburger Day than by taking on the Hamburger Mary’s Crazy Stack Burger.
Surely, we understand the refined flavor of Simmzy’s burger, as noted by Zagat with their honorable mention of your beefy eloquence. We note the brilliance that is the Chianina Burger, which has Maytag blue cheese, pickled red onions, and housemade Sonoma pickles—a hard-to-argue combo. We are proud of hometown-favorite MVPs—now with three locations—which offers seemingly endless takes on our favorite ground beef entrée, all named after famous athletes (the Shaq burger is impeccable).
But if there is a more absurd take on the cheeseburger than the Mary’s Crazy Stack, we haven’t found it.
It seems like a joke on the menu, a prod in the rib toward the most competitive of eaters. First, there are the three basic toppings to any awesome burger: bacon, avocado and cheese. Then you double the patty. Of course you double the patty (which, bee-tee-dub, Mary’s allows you to choose everything from ostrich to buffalo, turkey to vegan patties as your main filler). We know these toppings and such, though great, do not make any stack necessarily crazy.
But Mary’s elevates the insanity by throwing out the traditional buns and replacing them with grilled cheese sandwiches. Three of them to be precise, each made with sourdough and good ol’ American cheese. But they don’t stop there; big scoops of the the restaurant’s popular rich, gooey mac’n’cheese are then liberally layered between the sandwiches. (Don’t forget that you can also get their mac’n’cheese deep fried into balls or stuffed onto potato skins.)
On a level of 1 to even, we can’t right now.
“The Crazy Stack was conceived when a customer said we needed a bigger burger on our menu,” said Mary’s owner Dale Warner. “So we wanted to create something not just bigger but something that was unique and dee-lish.”
Does anyone eat the Crazy Stack in its entirety in one sitting? According to Warner, many patrons accomplish the task.
“It’s usually the ‘little guy’ that gets the job done,” Warner said. “What’s more is seeing the expression on some people’s faces when the burger arrives to their table.”
Well played, Mary’s, well played.
Hamburger Mary’s is located at 330 Pine Ave. It is open daily from 11AM to 2AM.
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