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Photo by Brian Addison.

I am somewhat obsessed with chili cheese fries and with that obsession, I search for specific things. The chili can’t have beans; that’s chili and beans, not chili. (Sorry, part Southern boy here.) The cheese has to be finely shredded so it melts quickly. And the only exception I take to this is Tommy’s, which uses American cheese (and it works shockingly well with their who-knows-what-it-is? concoction dubbed “chili”).

Louis Burger probably has the best classic chili cheese fries in the city.

Then an ex of mine introduced me to another way to clog an artery: add pastrami to your plate of chili cheese fries, cover ’em in hot peppers, and voila. We dubbed ’em CCPF and from there on out, Golden Burgers was my go-to. (Louis Burger was my mainstay for classic chili cheese fries but not CCPF; their pastrami was ultra peppery and while I prefer that for a sandwich, I don’t want that much pepper on my chili cheese fries.)

Well, Golden Burgers has one-upped me on what I thought was decadence with chili cheese fries by creating a plate called DUI fries. Their large order of chili cheese fries is then slathered in—take a breath—bacon, pastrami, and carne asada. You can then lather on any assortment of peppers you wish from the their condiment bar: roasted jalapeños, roasted yellow chiles, hot yellow peppers…

You’ll be happy you did.