Here are 4 spectacular ways to fail at your New Year’s resolution

Having trouble keeping pace with your perhaps-rashly made New Year’s resolution? You’re not alone. Some 36% of resolution-makers fail by the end of January, with others dropping off in impressive numbers in the ensuing months. Here are some sensational ways to fail at maintaining your crumbling resolve.

Blow out your budget

The patio at Surf & Sand in Laguna Beach.

It’s easy to rationalize. Look, you’ve been scrimping and eating corn flakes for dinner, canceled all your pay-TV services and all it’s brought is depression and gloom. Let’s splurge for a few days. Pamper yourselves with a few days or a week at the Surf & Sand in Laguna Beach. Feed the gulls by hand from your California Suite balcony ($2,208 per night/$1,650 if you stay four nights. Stay four nights and count the savings as more scrimping). The 1,100-square-foot suite has a fireplace, a balcony, a full ocean view, a sitting area, three flat-screen TVs and two full baths. Throw a bit more money at your stay and you can bring your dogs ($200 cleaning fee; dogs under 40 pounds only). Enjoy your meals on the Splashes Restaurant patio. Don’t feel guilty; maybe you’ll inherit some money soon.

Surf & Sand Resort, 1555 South Coast Highway, Laguna Beach. 877-741-5908.

A helpful smoking loophole

It’s not a cigarette; it’s hookah.

You quit smoking? Good. You’re a hero. But what kind of smoking did you give up? Cigarettes and weed? Bravo! Luckily, you can find loopholes in your resolution. In this case, you can still give up the ugly habit of cigarettes and the mind-blowing habit of hand-rolled reefer while still enjoying a nice blast at your local hookah hangout. Try Xscape on Redondo Avenue in Long Beach with a full menu of mixes, ranging from $15 to $20. You can feel free to brush aside the obligatory warning sign: “Smoking is dangerous to your health.” You already know that. It’s why you gave it up.

Xscape Hookah Lounge & Cafe, 674 Redondo Ave., 562-433-2327.

The ultimate in not dieting

You need calories to live.

How’s that diet working out? Which one did you go with: Atkins? South Beach? Keto? Paleo? The Zone? The Dukan? The 5:2? All that work and self-denial for nearly a month and all you’ve got to show for it is a gain of a half-pound. By now you’re starving. Whattaya say you give yourself a break for just one teensy meal and maybe rethink your strategy afterward? The website Eat This, Not That! has helpfully listed the fattest restaurant meals in America so that way you can avoid ordering these dishes the next time you head out to dinner. But haven’t you avoided enough this month? Give up your dreams and try Chili’s Ultimate Smokehouse Combo, with your choice of three meats (smoked bone-In BBQ chicken breast, jalapeño-cheddar smoked sausage, hand-battered chicken crispers or half rack of house-smoked baby back ribs), plus four sides: roasted street corn, homestyle fries, chile-garlic toast and house-made garlic dill pickles – all for $16.99.

Chili’s, 30 W. Shoreline Drive and other locations. 562-590-5103

Naps, not reps

Gym, or nap? Here, have a seat.

This was going to be the year you hit the gym with devout regularity. The problem with the gym regime is the fact that going to the gym cuts into what used to be the time set aside for relaxation: reading, watching TV and napping. So rather than worry about your pecs and abs, let’s look at how you can instead improve the quality of your chill time. Charles and Ray Eames had ideas about making a better world, one in which things were designed to bring greater pleasure to our lives, something no gym has ever considered. Their iconic Eames Lounge Chair and Ottoman, released in 1956, is the height of relaxing in style. Buy the set at Design Within Reach for the within-reach price of $6,370.75. Relax, it’s only money.

Design Within Reach, 3303 Hyland Ave, Suite C-1, Costa Mesa. 714-427-0628. Or order online

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Tim Grobaty is a columnist and opinions editor for the Long Beach Post. He began his newspaper career at the Press-Telegram in 1976 as a copy boy and moved on to feature writer, music critic, TV critic, copy editor and daily columnist. He’s the author of several books, including I’m Dyin’ Here, and he lives in Long Beach.
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