We pride on giving you a broad swath of stuff to do each weekend. There are other things we’re proud of—our exhaustive collection of late ’90s TV Guides comes to mind—but we’ll stick to the stuff to do for consistency. You can dance, you can succulent, you can watch someone drive a boat real fast or pull a plane not quite so fast, or far, or you can get up on stage and do just about anything you want, except be a jerk, cuz that’s not cool.

Anyway, there’s a bunch of stuff. Have fun.

1. THE ALCHEMY TOUR KICKS OFF IN LONG BEACH (Saturday)

An estimated 25,000 people are expected to storm Marina Green on Saturday for what very well may be the most energetic show of the summer. The producers of Nocturnal Wonderland are bringing artists NGHTMRE, Slander, Seven Lions, The Glitch Mob and others Downtown for six straight hours of music, dance, and overall sensory insanity. With four EDM headliners that have a combined 10.5 million monthly listeners on Spotify, this is the ultimate antithesis of the all-too-familiar Municipal Band concerts in the park. (Kendall Lowery)

Another great thing: NGHTMRE’S recent collaboration with none other than Lil Jon and, wait for it, Shaquille O’Neal.

Giving us a moment’s pause: Seven Lion’s uncanny resemblance to Queer Eye’s Jonathan Van Ness. JVN finished his Road to Beijing comedy tour on June 23, with none of the dates coinciding with the EDM artist’s performances, and now he’s lying low while Seven Lions is about to embark on the Alchemy tour? All we’re saying is we’ve never seen them together in the same room.

The Alchemy Tour will take place on Aug. 17 from 2 to 10 p.m. at 386 E. Shoreline Drive. Tickets may be purchased at this link. Learn more about the event at Insomniac’s website, or at the event’s Facebook page. 

The following closures will take place the day/night of Alchemy: from 5 a.m. on Saturday, August 17, through 5 a.m. on Sunday, August 18, Shoreline Drive will be closed between Ocean Boulevard and Shoreline Village Drive; the gate arm at the end of Linden Avenue at Rainbow Harbor/Marine and Shoreline Marina will be closed and access to Shoreline Village Drive will be available via Pine Avenue.

2. PLANE PULL FOR THE SPECIAL OLYMPICS (Sunday)

On Saturday morning, the Long Beach airport tarmac will host a showcase of stamina, might and teamwork during the man-woman-versus-machine tug of war that is Special Olympics Southern California’s annual Plane Pull. You can register to join a team of 25 to pull the FedEx Boeing 757 by Thursday at noon, but if you don’t feel particularly inclined to haul a 124,000 pound plane on a Saturday morning, there’s still a lot more to do at the event. Get in your morning run at the 7 a.m. We Run the City 5K/10K; compete on an obstacle course to win a free month of training at Active, cruise by the High Flying Classics Car and Motorcycle Show, snap a picture with USC mascot Traveler (because, of course, USC will be there), or even bring a kid along to pull their own plane at the Kids Pull. (KL)

Another great thing: All of these events support the athletes of Special Olympics Southern California. With 4.4 million athletes in 170 countries, Special Olympics is the world’s largest sports organization for people with intellectual disabilities and is dedicated to the positive transformation of lives through sport.

Giving us a moment’s pause: Will competitors be allowed to hydrate with more than three ounces of liquid?

Special Olympics Southern California’s Plane Pull will take place from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. on August 17th at 2830 E. Wardlow Rd. Learn more about the event at this link. 

3. LUCKY SEVEN PERFORMANCE ROULETTE (Thursday)

If we didn’t like Nancy Lynee Woo so much, we’d probably hate her guts. She’s a talented poet—nominated numerous times for Pushcart Prizes—an energetic and committed member of the city’s literary scene, having co-founded ForTheMedia and the Long Beach Literary Arts Center and is a co-producer of Out Loud. See? But, Nancy likes to have a good time and make sure others do to. Which is reason enough to head to her Lucky 7 Performance Roulette event at DiPiazza’s. Here’s how it works: you show up, shell out $7 which goes into a pot for the performers. Seven performers are picked totally by random and then they have 10 minutes on stage to do whatever it is they want to do—sing, juggle, discuss 19th century Populism. The winner, yes, there will be a winner, gets a cash prize based on how much is taken in at the door, so maybe ask some friends to come because that could be cash money in your pocket. (Steve Lowery)

Another great thing: If you’ve ever been to one of Nancy’s salons, this event operates on similar principles, in that folks don’t take themselves too seriously; they honor the courage it takes to get on stage and they will absolutely respect your weird as long your weird doesn’t disparage anyone else, i.e. don’t be a jerk.

Giving us a moment’s pause: Where we’ll spend the prize money after we kill with our one-person tribute to the artistry that is the Bloodhound Gang.

DiPiazza’s is located at 5205 E Pacific Coast Hwy. For more information, click here.

4. CREEPY FIGURE DRAWING (Sunday)

Bring your own art supplies to the Anti-Art School Art School of figure drawing at The Dark Art Emporium on Sunday where you can brush up on your skills of putting perception to paper using live models—from burlesque dancers to exhibitionists—for an evening of boozy creativity and conversation. Put on by Dr. Sketchy’s Los Angeles—founded by an art school drop out in a Brooklyn dive bar—all levels of art makers are welcome unless you’re under 18, then, sorry, this event isn’t for you. For $15, get your pick from first-come, first-served seating; if you purchase VIP tix in advance at $25, you’ll get a reserved seat and two drinks. (Asia Morris)

Another great thing: Models will appear in various stages of undress.

Giving us a moment’s pause: No nudity.

Doors open at 5 p.m. (grab a drink, check out the gallery’s current show, Familiars) with poses from 6 to 8:30 p.m. at DAE, 256 Elm Ave. For tix and more info, click here.

5. BY THE PORCHLIGHTS IN DEFOREST PARK NEIGHBORHOOD (Saturday)

By the Porchlights, a traveling acoustic venue was launched at the beginning of the year to present mostly acoustic pop-up shows on porches throughout the greater SoCal area with a home base in Long Beach. Singers Rebecca Hasquet and Becca Bishop created the business to present opportunities for young and emerging artists. On Saturday, listen to singer/songwriters Coco Rose, Josyln, as well as co-owners Hasquet and Bishop, perform in the backyard of a gorgeous historic home near Deforest Park, while checking out the wares of artisan vendors, including those selling stained glass, baked goods, custom crocheted designs and tasting an abundance of wine (it might be a good idea to Lyft). Bring lawn chairs and/or blankets to sit on and cash for vendors. (AM)

Another great thing: The event is a fundraiser for the Deforest Park Neighborhood Association.

Giving us a moment’s pause: The event page states, “Plan some time to park.” Like we said, take a Lyft.

By the Porchlights runs from 5 to 8 p.m.; $15 cash entry at the door, attendees must be 21 or older, 167 E. South St. For more info, check out the Facebook event here.

6. SPRINT BOAT RACES (Saturday – Sunday)

Despite a tumultuous permitting process, racers are set to roar across Marine Stadium this weekend for the seventh decade of the Automotive Racing Products Long Beach Sprint Nationals. Following the death of a speedboat driver at last year’s races, there was comprehensive reform to the safety regulations and stipulations attached to the organization of the tournament, initially resulting in the denial of an event permit to organizer Ross Wallach. However, following months of extensive collaboration with the city, Wallach obtained last-minute approval, and between 13 and 15 different types of speedboats are set to compete for national championships in their class on Aug. 17 and 18. (KL)

Another great thing: The event is set to coincide with two gorgeous mid-70-degree summer days ready-made for afternoons of lounging at the Marina, complete with a bit of ocean mist kicked up by a passing speedboat.

Giving us a moment’s pause: Any semblance of those peaceful summer days might be disturbed by the 15,000 – 20,000 other speedboat racing fans expected to attend, the sheer noise of the boats’ rumbling engines, or your own inability to take your eyes off the thrilling competition.

Gates open at 8 a.m. for the races at 5255 E. Paoli Way. Tickets are available at the gate at $20/day for adults, $10/day for kids, and free for kids under 5. Learn more about the event at the Southern California Speed Boat Club website or on their Facebook page.

7. SUCCULENT TERRARIUM WORKSHOP (Saturday)

OK, $42 for a succulent workshop may sound a bit pricey, but for this planting party at Liberation Brewery you really do get your money’s worth, as in a beer from Liberation to get those creative juices flowing, gardening supplies and tools, decorative materials (including moss, earth rocks and dried flowers), containers to choose from, 3-5 locally grown (locally grown!) assorted succulents and, drum roll, a one-hour floral design tutorial with Rooted Harmony owner Sheena Langub. (AM)

Another great thing: 5% of your $42 will be donated to a public school gardening or arts project.

Giving us a moment’s pause: It’s BYOF (bring your own food) so don’t show up hungry. The succulents don’t deserve to feel your hanger, just your tender love and care.

The workshop runs from 2 to 4 p.m. at Liberation Brewery, 3630 Atlantic Ave. For more info and tickets, check out the Facebook event here.