Journalists, being journalists, spend a lot of time talking, discussing and arguing about… yup, you guessed it, journalism. For the most part this typically entails those ephemeral rules of journalism that each and every one of us learned in slightly a different way. And, I don’t mean high-brow discussions about the philosophical nature of journalism. I mean really pedantic stuff, like does a Ph.D. deserve to have the prefix Dr. in a news story (the consensus answer is no, only M.D.s receive this honor) or when do you spell out a number as opposed to using the numerals (under 10 gets spelled out unless part of a name, vote, score or percentage).
The reason for these discussions is that, obviously, language–and the ability to be clear with said language–is the main tool of the journalist. So we have rules… endless rules.
Unfortunately, the rest of the world does not operate by these stylistic rules and it falls to the journalist to translate the real world version to the concise “newsy” version you see in print.
Take for example Tuesday’s 7-0 decision by the City Council to upgrade gate arms, parking ticket dispensers, and exit booths at the three parking facilities at the downtown CityPlace shopping complex.
City Hall staff believes that the equipment is “antiquated” and requires replacement via a $990,000 contract with Minneapolis, Mn.-based parking equipment manufacturer Amano McGann. The city expects the plan to save about $500,000 a year in operational costs at the parking structures.
To bolster the point that the age of the equipment is the primary reason behind this, the City Hall staff points out that on Sept. 12, 2000, the City entered into an agreement with the developers of CityPlace to kick off the project. The agenda item goes on to point out (based on this date) that the equipment “was installed nearly a decade ago,” is prone to breaking down, results in high labor costs, and provides less than optimal service.
So let me put on the old journalist’s hat and attempt to translate what City Hall really means.
By “nearly a decade ago” what the staffers meant to say was that the equipment is really six years and nine months old. CityPlace opened in the second week of November in 2002 and the equipment was brand new at the time.
So by “antiquated,” I guess what City Hall was really saying was, “not really that old unless you compare it to the age of your average cell phone.”
Cruising over to the Amano McGann website and perusing the technical specifications of the equipment in question reveals that their brand new top-of-the-line parking ticket dispensers (the ones you confront when entering a structure) really house a dot matrix printer and a timer similar to the one that runs your lawn sprinklers. Well, the dot matrix printer has been around for more than three decades and the timer even longer than that–not exactly the most cutting edge technology.
Perhaps, the antiquated reference is directed at the parking structure gate systems. Well, I believe the raising bar gate was invented on Quintilus XXIII, 750 B.C. by that early Roman inventor of parking machinery Lifticus Gatus.
Okay, I can’t verify that, but needless to say the bar gate has been around for a really long time. Even the automated electrically-powered bar gate has been around since before World War II.
So, it must be the exit booths which have fallen so far behind the technological curve. Unfortunately, last time I checked Apple had not come out with a revolutionary (and really cool looking) iBooth, so I guess the latest versions of a box with an office chair, cash register and sliding door are pretty much the same as they have been for the last 100 years or so.
However, Amano McGann does have a wide range of automated exit equipment that could REPLACE the booths and their parking attendants. Wait a minute. Didn’t the agenda item mention something about high labor costs? Why, yes. Yes, it did.
So let me wrap my noodle around this. The city plans to spend just under $1 million to replace parking equipment with virtually identical equipment save for automated exit booths that will actually put people out of work.
Now I understand that the city needs to save money and $500,000 a year is nothing to sneeze at. But if we are talking about the majority of that coming from the slashing of a bunch of low-paid parking attendants, is this really the best use of city funds and the Council’s time? In this job market?
It constantly amazes me that “necessary” job cuts always seem to come off the lower rungs of an organization. Perhaps we should consider whacking a few management jobs off the top of the City Hall payroll pie instead and replacing them with some automated equipment.
I even know the perfect equipment and it doesn’t costs $1 million or require a fancy contractor like Amano McGann.
Once the City Hall managers and their $100,000-plus salaries are gone, just put a Magic 8 Ball on each of their vacated desks and anytime a staffer needs an answer to an important topic they can just pop in, shake and read the answer. And, really, at $9.99 each, the Magic 8 Balls are a fiscal miracle—virtually the same service at an infinitesimal per unit price.
On the other hand, given the nature of the Magic 8 Ball, it is entirely likely that at some critical point, say during the budget crisis, you are likely to get a response like “Reply hazy, try again,” or “Outlook not so good.”
Come to think of it though, aren’t those pretty much the answers we get now for $100,000-plus a whack?
My Magic 8 Ball informs me that “Signs point to yes.”
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